prosetry

of dreams and self
If it stands to reason it's probably false.
If it can be explained there's no way it makes sense.
Just so you know, I think I'm going to be okay.

I had a dream where I cut my wrists,
And it felt fine.
And, I don't know why I dreamed
That some of the guys and I were running from the cops,
All I know is that we we escaped, 
And I woke up without scars.

The Good Fear

Cliff Jumping: Of Love and Fear
Have I lied?
Not to you; I'd never do that.
Have I lied? To myself?
Have I tricked my mind?
I'm saying jump and you're saying jump
And they're saying jump,
But in the end are you all coaxing me off a cliff
That I have some how convinced myself is something less?

Shouldn't the end of one dream give birth to another?
I thought my devastation was a catalyst for brighter days.
Can we dance and move and live our lives 'round each other?
I'm uncertain and unassured but seeking alternate ways...
I'm afraid.

I'm afraid in the same way I'm afraid of that cliff,
Off of which everyone wants me to jump.
Possibly because the two are the same.
The jumping right off-- jumping right in.
It's not certain death but uncertain beginnings
That wrap my mind in this terror.

I never truly understood "the fear of God".
The good fear.
The fear that makes you shake to the very core.
Some call it love.
The very idea terrifies me.

snippet of truth

I was introduced to true beauty in the form of family.
Experienced the love of God in the way a girl interacted with her cat.
Appreciated the price of atonement like never before in a smoky garage.
I Am.
Oh blasphemy,
Carry out My work. And Their work. And all Work.

from a longer blog post

Jesus, Muhammad, Gandhi, and Rumi all met before Buddha to discuss our meeting.
The place and time; the circumstances.
They had a lengthy discussion but in the end decided on Truth, because that is really all there ever was in the first place.
And so they contrived and our paths were made to cross and that brings us to the present.
A brief history of existence up to where my mind no longer sees the outer lines.
Human, mortal, time-constrained.
But they reveal the light as we go, and I'll stay the course becoming what we are meant to be,
What we always were from the Genesis.

heartbreaking, true

An October Earth, Keeping Hell at Bay 
We don't always understand the actions of the other.
All you know how to do is take care.
All I know is how to be taken care of.
It's time for me to learn to take care of someone else;
Time for you to take care of yourself for once.

Perhaps we always knew this was the outcome.
Perhaps we always knew this was how it would turn out.

What happens when a realist and a romantic fall in love?
You're smothered, I'm heartbroken but still alive, both.
What happens when two realists fall in love?
Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke,
One that you are living.

I'm running around in a fatalist's mess,
And you're running around to the tune
Of needing things to make sense.
We are both running around and around,
In patterns that I can't help but think resemble
The outer circles of hell. 

But, the glint of sunshine comes with the rain.
I'm told that there's no water in hell.
So this wet October weather
That we are presently enduring
Is a glorious sign, promising the possibility of better days.

rejoice

God's Shadow 
There is a shadow over the day,
But it isn't dark.
This paradox, this cosmic joke.
How it makes me smile and cry.
How it makes me laugh and sigh.
How it makes me, how it makes me.
This shadow over the day,
A brilliant light, but a shadow just the same.

"This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."

For this is the day the Lord has made

all faith placed in providence
seeking the beauty found only in your embrace,
a task befitted only for a fool, or sage.
listening for your voice in the wind,
to hear it and to feel your breath on the breeze.

to acknowledge your existence 
or deny it altogether
each a travesty in their right.

i can feel you smiling far away
and it brings me to tears ~ your happiness is everything
i can feel your heart breaking from the waiting
and my heart breaks too ~ still i haven't met you.

i'm a sage and a fool
on my way.